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Blackadder: I, on the other hand, am a fully-rounded human being, with a degree from the University of Life, a diploma from the School of Hard Knocks, & three gold stars from the Kindergarten of Getting the Shit Kicked Out of Me.

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Baldrick: Would you like some rat au vin to help you think?
Blackadder: Rat...au vin?
Baldrick: Yeah, it's rat that's been...
Blackadder:...run over by a van.

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Blackadder: Your brain, for example, is so minute, Baldrick, that if a hungry cannibal cracked your head open, there wouldn't be enough inside to cover a small water biscuit.

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George: If we do happen to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do ?
Blackadder: Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet in the air and scatter oneself over a wide area.

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Blackadder: George, I'm in deep trouble here. I need to construct a case that's as watertight as a mermaid's brassiere.

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Bob: Oh, sir, sir, please don't give me away, sir. I just wanted to be like my brothers & join up. I want to see how a war is fought -- so badly!

Blackadder: Well, you've come to the right place, Bob. A war hasn't been fought this badly since Olaf the Hairy, chief of all the Vikings, accidentally ordered eighty thousand battle helmets with the horns on the inside.